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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24104449">Things We Lost in the Flames, What We Found in the Ashes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hilarychuff/pseuds/hilarychuff'>hilarychuff</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Post-Episode: s02e06 A Fractured House, jemma simmons defense squad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:15:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24104449</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hilarychuff/pseuds/hilarychuff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mack and Simmons didn't exactly get off to a friendly start — but he made his peace with her, eventually. It only took every single member of the team to talk a little sense into him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie &amp; Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons (mentioned)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Things We Lost in the Flames, What We Found in the Ashes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Feels maybe like five years too late to write this fic! And yet here I am! Recently overcome by boundless Jemma Simmons feelings and annoyance at all the scenes we didn't get! So here, have these lil convos filling the gaps in the Mack &amp; Jemma friendship.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He figures he should’ve been expecting something like this after May shot Hunter in order to keep Simmons safe, but it still takes him a moment to put the pieces together and realize what’s happening.</p><p>“You know, there are a lot of fire extinguishers in here,” Coulson says evenly as he looks around the garage. “You should be careful around Simmons.”</p><p>“What is that supposed to mean?” Mack tries to keep his tone even in turn, but it’s hard to sound unaffected when his voice is already such a low rumble. He doesn’t even know how Coulson knows about the conversation he and Simmons had — if she reported it up the chain of command or if the director just happened to notice it while reviewing security footage.</p><p>But Coulson only shrugs. “Ask Skye.”</p><p>--</p><p>“Why did Coulson tell me to be careful around Simmons and fire extinguishers?” he asks one day as they battle it out over Mario Kart in the lounge, neither of them tearing their eyes away from the TV.</p><p>“Oh, that’s her weapon of choice,” Skye says without thinking — and <em>that</em> gives him pause. “She hit Fitz in the head with one once,” she continues, a note of concentration edging into her voice as their onscreen avatars near the finish line, neck and neck. “She tried to clock AC one time, too.” She wins the race by a hair, jumping up to throw her arms in the air and whoop.</p><p>“Rematch,” he growls.</p><p>--</p><p>Hunter is complaining — loudly — about his aching shoulder as Mack and Fitz tinker in the garage. Apparently, he’s now convinced the bullet cracked his top rib, even with the cushioning from his tactical vest.</p><p>“I still can’t believe May shot me,” he groans, flopping back into a chair. “I’m not saying she should’ve let me shoot Simmons, but what? She couldn’t just say something over comms? I know she’s the strong and silent type, but there is a certain time it’s appropriate to bloody well <em>speak up</em>.” He lets out a loud <em>huff</em> on an exhale. “And can you believe Simmons hasn’t even said anything to me about it since she got back on base? You’d think a ‘sorry for getting you shot’ might be appropriate.”</p><p>“Did you know she hit Fitz in the head with a fire extinguisher once?” Mack says, voice gruff. “Now that’s low.”</p><p>His mind keeps drifting back to that ever since Skye mentioned it. She brought it up so casually, off-handedly, but now something dark passes over Fitz’s face, startling enough that even Hunter’s eyes widen for a second.</p><p>“Brutal,” Hunter says quickly, if only so they can acknowledge the subject and move on. “The women on this base — demons, the lot of them.”</p><p>--</p><p>It’s May who appears by his workbench late one evening when everyone else has already emptied out of the hangar, off to bed for the night. “Do you know why Simmons hit Fitz in the head with a fire extinguisher?” she asks without any pretext, voice level. He’s not sure how she knew about that either. Maybe the word got around about Coulson’s cryptic warning, maybe it’s the same way May seems to know about everything that goes down at the Playground.</p><p>Frankly, though, he’s not particularly interested in the context. Things happen on missions, sometimes people get hurt, sometimes infighting breaks out. It doesn’t matter exactly what went down, the idea of it bothers him regardless. But he suspects he’s not being given a choice in this conversation, so he crosses his arms over his chest and leans back, waiting for her to continue.</p><p>“It was so she could throw herself out of a plane.”</p><p>Whatever he expected, it certainly wasn’t <em>that</em>. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“In the early days on the bus, we were investigating a string of suspicious deaths. It turns out there was some kind of Chitauri virus. Simmons was infected. We were flying to the Sandbox, but we weren’t going to make it there fast enough.” This is the most he’s ever heard May speak in one go, maybe even ever, and he doesn’t dare interrupt. “The infection wasn’t just going to kill her, though. When she died, she would’ve released an electromagnetic pulse — brought the whole plane out of the sky. Fitz was in the lab with her, but she knew she was out of time. She hit him with the fire extinguisher so she could jump out of the cargo hold without him trying to stop her.”</p><p>His throat goes dry. His voice stays steady. “But she made it through,” he says.</p><p>“She did,” May confirms. “Because she and Fitz made an antiserum that worked. Because, instead of knocking out all of the systems on the plane, killing the rest of us, she was only a few thousand feet over that Atlantic when she pulsed. And because Ward jumped out after her.”</p><p>--</p><p>He knows the name. He knows who’s in Vault D. But he doesn’t know the details. Trip fills him in.</p><p>“Ward was with Garrett,” he says around a grimace. “He shot Hand. He essentially kidnapped Skye. He dropped FitzSimmons out of the bus and left them at the bottom of the ocean.”</p><p>Mack’s jaw clenches.</p><p>“I don’t know exactly what happened down there,” Trip admits, somehow knowing what Mack is after before he even says anything. “I’m not sure anyone does other than the two of them. But I do know she dragged his ass to the surface, broken arm and all, and kept their heads above water until Fury personally pulled them out.”</p><p>--</p><p>“So who saved who?”</p><p>It’s the only question he can think to ask when he finally gets around to broaching the subject with Fitz himself.</p><p>“What — d’you mean? Who?”</p><p>“You and her. At the bottom of the ocean.”</p><p>Fitz’s hands stutter, his mouth clicks shut, his eyes shift around the room, and then —</p><p>“Both, I guess.” Mack doesn’t say anything, just gives the engineer time to answer. “I tried to — tried to give her the, uh …” He stops, stumbles, finds and rearranges his phrases. He’s been doing better, but the words all seem to flee when he’s upset, and Mack waits patiently for him to find the right ones. “The last breath,” he finally says. “So she could — So she could swim up. There was only one. Had to be her.” Fitz holds his arm at an odd angle, almost as if it’s still broken, almost as if it’s still caught in a sling hanging from one shoulder. “But I knew I couldn’t — I knew I wouldn’t — with my arm — even if she wouldn’t — so she had to. But she wouldn’t leave me behind.”</p><p>Mack nods, understanding. “But then she did,” he finishes.</p><p>“Yeah,” Fitz says. “She did.”</p><p>--</p><p>“You know, she’s a tough little cupcake.”</p><p>Bobbi is watching him as he watches Simmons get her ass handed to her by Skye. The two of them are sparring as May looks on, occasionally offering critiques and guidance, every now and then stepping in to fix one of their forms.</p><p>“Which one?” Mack asks, but he already knows. He’s starting to get the picture.</p><p>“Simmons,” she answers, just as the scientist ducks — too slowly. Skye is pulling her punches, but she still ends up cuffing the other woman across the side of her head. “She may look sweet as cotton candy, but you should’ve seen her in Hydra. She had the head of security wrapped around her little finger.”</p><p>Mack rolls his eyes. “You mean you?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Bobbi grins. “But Bakshi, too, after she saved him from taking one of Skye’s bullets. He gave her two promotions in just as many weeks — she even ended up in a meeting with one of Hydra’s heads and his favorite scientists before we had to get out. Rumor has it Whitehall asked for her by name.”</p><p>He <em>hmmms</em> noncommittally.</p><p>“She may not be much of a fighter —” and they both wince as Skye gets in another hit, Simmons stumbling back just in time for the blow to glance off her shoulder instead of taking her full in the chest — “at least, not yet. May’s working on that. But you should see how fast she can sprint down a corridor. I’m not convinced she wouldn’t have outrun all of Hydra’s security if she’d had a straight exit.”</p><p>“Sounds like wrapped around her little finger is right.”</p><p>Bobbi laughs.</p><p>--</p><p>“I get you were on assignment. But I still don’t understand why you just bailed.”</p><p>Simmons goes rigid, her shoulders hunched up by her ears. They’re the only two left in the lounge, and his words break the tense silence they’ve been working in. He was on the couch, toying around with one of Fitz’s inventions while everyone had been lingering after dinner, sharing laughs and drinks. She’d been at the table, puzzling over a pile of papers with Trip, but it’s been at least 30 minutes since the specialist went to bed, and he was the last of all the other agents to leave the room. She’s been avoiding him, he’s pretty sure, or maybe he’s been avoiding her, but either way it’s the first time they’ve been alone together since their conversation in the garage.</p><p>“I told you that’s not what happened,” she replies simply, all crisp consonants and clipped syllables, without looking up from her notes.</p><p>“That’s the way he sees it.”</p><p>“And Fitz is never wrong about anything? How long have you known him again?”</p><p>“Not long, but Fitz has never lied to me in that time. You, you just got back from being a professional liar.”</p><p>That surprises a sudden, sharp laugh out of her as she finally turns to stare at him. “I’m not saying Fitz lied. But his perspective is hardly impartial.”</p><p>“And yours is?”</p><p>“Of course it’s not! But you haven’t even heard it!”</p><p>“So tell me.”</p><p>He waits for her to start, watches the muscles in her jaw bunch and release, brow furrowing and unfurrowing as she chews over what to say. She looks back at her pen, worrying it between her hands, but when she still hasn’t found the words after two full minutes of silence, he shakes his head and leaves.</p><p>--</p><p>“I don’t need to explain myself to you.”</p><p>Simmons is standing at the mouth to the garage, hands balled into little fists at her side. For a second, Mack’s eyes catch on the large bruise already blooming on her temple, but then his gaze meets hers. “That’s true.”</p><p>She stands her ground, chin jutted up, then — “Fitz didn’t tell me how he felt because he wanted us to be together. That wasn’t it.”</p><p>At that, he raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t respond. It’s a silent invitation to continue, and she accepts it.</p><p>“It was —” She stops, taking a shuddering breath. “It was bigger than that. He told me because he thought he was going to die, because he was preparing to trade his life for mine.” She looks away, up at the ceiling, and her eyes aren’t so shiny and wet when she finally looks back. “And because he expected he wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of his confession.”</p><p>“The consequences,” Mack parrots back. He wants to let her speak, wants to remain neutral, but his voice comes out harder than he’d like.</p><p>“He wasn’t thinking about the aftermath,” Simmons rephrases, charging on as if he hasn’t said anything at all. “And then, in the actual aftermath — How I felt about him, how he felt about me was the last thing on my mind. The only thing that mattered was if he’d wake up.”</p><p>“And then when he did, you didn’t try to talk to him about it?”</p><p>“Of course I tried to talk to him about it!” The words burst out of her, and his eyes catch the way one of her legs twitches, as if she only barely stops herself from stomping a foot. “But we couldn’t talk about — about anything. It seemed like every conversation we had was a fight.” She swallows, takes a second to visibly rein in the slip of her temper. “You said yourself Fitz isn’t a liar. If you ask him, actually ask him, he’ll tell you. But you saw how he is with me, and it’s been months now. I only make him worse. Nothing I was doing then — I couldn’t help him. So I went somewhere where I could help.”</p><p>“And you disappearing into Hydra — that would help? If you’d never made it back out, that would help?”</p><p>“That’s the job,” she snaps. “We’re SHIELD. We throw ourselves in front of the danger to protect everyone else. You know that as well as anyone.”</p><p>He does. He does because he’d done just that earlier today when they’d crossed paths with Hydra while attempting to free a former intelligence agent holed up in a safe house, when one of the mercenaries had caught them by surprise, firing some kind of explosive in their direction. He doesn’t know if they’d recognized her as a traitor, or if it hadn’t been targeted at any of them in particular, but he’d been the closest to Simmons. He’s an engineer masquerading as a mechanic, not a specialist, but he’d thrown his body in front of hers without even blinking, bearing the brunt of all the debris sent flying. The agent in the safe house had been the only loss, but gunfire had been exchanged, and it was only by the grace of God the rest of the team all made it out unscathed.</p><p>He doesn’t ask another question, but that doesn’t mean he’s done with the conversation. “He thinks you abandoned him.”</p><p>She sighs, and the fists at her sides — clenching and flexing in turn as she spoke — finally uncurl as she presses her palms to her face. “Maybe I did.” She sounds tired, now, a profound exhaustion evident in the way her shoulders roll forwards and her hands fall away. “But it was what he needed from me. I couldn’t stay and be his crutch. It wasn’t working for either of us. And he needed to grow on his own.”</p><p>“And what about you? Did you need to grow?” He means the words to be biting, but as they come out of his mouth, he’s surprised to find that the question is earnest — that he wants to know. And she seems to take that in stride.</p><p>“Yes, I suppose I did,” she says, her voice just this side of soft. “I needed to be Jemma. Just Jemma, not half of a conditional identity. Even if that Jemma was someone else entirely.”</p><p>He nods, then, holding eye contact. “You should consider telling him that some time.”</p><p>She looks on the verge of contradicting him again, but then she hesitates — and when she nods back instead, he almost smiles.</p><p>--</p><p>“Hey, Simmons?” They’re all squashed into the lounge, him and Hunter and Fitz taking up the couch, Trip and Skye flanking them in club chairs, Simmons balanced precariously on the arm of Skye’s seat. They only have four controllers, and the boys are taking a turn facing off at Mario Kart, but Hunter’s in the lead, only a narrow margin ahead of Mack’s car.</p><p>“Hmm?” she asks, a cold beer between her hands and her feet in Skye’s lap.</p><p>“You never told me why you tried to attack Coulson with a fire extinguisher.” Neither he nor Simmons takes their eyes off the screen, but Hunter squawks, swivelling his head to look at the tiny scientist.</p><p>“You <em>what</em>?” he demands — and Mack nabs first place. “Oy!” he shouts, whipping his head back around. “Cheating!”</p><p>Simmons just laughs.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gotta give a hat tip to owlvsdove's drabble from tumblr here, which I definitely read (or maybe reread) in the past week: https://bijemma.tumblr.com/post/104455159946/i-dont-want-to-be-the-one-making-all-the-noise </p><p>I don't think(???) they're too similar, but they're definitely treading the same ground. And also it's just good!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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